My First Rodeo

I am not a technologically gifted person. It took me a month to figure out how to use Twitter. Sometimes I think of myself as a contradiction to the society I live in. I'm young, I'm supposed to know how to use all this internet bullshit. I still don't know what the fuck a Tumblr is. I don't own a smartphone and, frankly, I never want to. It's too much for me to have in my hand, I feel it will take away from observing the real world around me.

I decided to log on to this blog page because I am at a point in my life where I just want one place to get all my thoughts down. I would use a notebook, but my handwriting is not legible. I figured that if I could figure out how to start a blog in under 10 minutes, I would do it. Otherwise, I would just give up and just say fuck it. This was surprisingly easy, I think it literally took 2 minutes. Cool beans. 

I created this only for me. I want to be able to express myself because it provides such a relief and reduces so much stress. I would recommend it. Writing is a powerful tool and used in the right way, it can be quite therapeutic. 

Lately, I've been conflicted because I don't have a clue of what I want to do in my life. I have goals and dreams, sure, but being in the audience of the Olympic Games before I die doesn't really count as a major. I'm surrounded by people who are sure of what they were destined to do, and I find my supposed career choice, or what I think of it, changing on a daily basis. 

As I sit here in my dorm room, listening to Paul Simon, Friends on in the background, procrastinating for studying for my History test tomorrow, I feel my mind taking me to this frustrated place of uncertainty. I found myself wishing that one day it will magically come to me in a sign of what i'm supposed to be doing with my life and I will be guaranteed a job that I will love. Then, I really thought about that. No. I don't want that. The whole point of our life's journey is finally discovering who you are and where you want to be. When you've achieved this, everything else just seems to fall into place, or so I hear. The journey to finding your destiny is, in fact, where the majority of life lies. 

I hear these words of advice and, yes, I do believe them to be true. But. that's hard to follow when you have the pressure of the university, parents, peers, and the world breathing down your neck, waiting for you to start your next move. Society today forces too much pressure upon finding what you want to do as soon as you get to college. I'm only 18, I've barely been through any life-changing events. How the hell am I supposed to walk into college and know what I want to be doing 10 years from now? I don't think anyone really knows what they want to do, they just know what they think they should maybe be doing in 10 years.

I believe everyone has a separate path, their own journey that no one else knows about. Fate plays a major part in this and whatever will be, will be. There is no right way to getting to a destination. You learn the most on the way. 

So here I am, just chugging along, waiting for something to click or an event to show me where I should be. And as stupid as it sounds, I think this blog will help me find myself. There is no judgement, so I can literally say whatever the hell I want. I love that freedom. I hope that writing my feelings and dreams down will lead me to my future. So yeah, we'll see how it goes. And I gotta bear in mind that, yeah, this is my first rodeo.