Everybody has that person that they look up to no matter what. For me, that person is my big sister. Always has been, always will be. Naturally, little sisters look up to and try to copy their big sisters as kids, and I definitely did, but for me it's something more than that.
For as long as I can remember, I was always trying to emulate my sisters actions. Everything she did in her life, I wanted to do too. And that has carried with me wherever I go. No matter what she does, I admire it.
It is a gift to have such a great influence in my life that is older and has been through the same things i'm going through. She is always there to advise me and recommend things for me and I am incredibly thankful for that.
There is more than just a a mentor relationship I have with my sister. I look up to her and constantly compare my life to what hers was like at the time. I go to the same college she goes to and she always tells me what she did her freshman year and a subconscious part of me makes sure I am doing the same thing she did. I try to think in the perspective of, what would Liz do? Yeah, this seems like it's unhealthy because I'm not being myself, but I don't know how to stop it. It happens without me even knowing. The more time I spend with her, the more I compare my life to hers. And I know that's wrong because everyone has a different path. There are clear differences between us that I know of, but there are so many more ways in which we are similar. And I take pride in that. I have always wanted to be just like her and do what she does, but we have different personalities and I have to learn to accept that.
To me, my sister is the coolest person I know. She is everything I want to be. She oozes confidence and just doesn't care about what anyone else thinks of her. She does what she wants, when she wants. And that's all there is to it. She is a born-people person, who can strike up a conversation with anyone. She loves people, she loves learning about different cultures, and she always has other people's best interest in mind, no matter what. And, in turn, people love her. I swear that whenever I meet someone that knows my sister, their response is, "Oh, I LOVE LIZ!" And they mean it, she is fucking awesome. She's hilarious, fun to be around, easy to talk to, and just all around someone you want to know. She has a huge heart and is a wonderful friend to everyone. The relationships she has with people are so deep, she truly cares about her friends and makes an effort to stay in touch with those she loves. I admire that. Sometimes I wish I could be her friend rather than her sister.
We have the same taste in a lot of things because we were raised together. We have the same sense of humor, and taste in movies/TV/music. Some of this is probably because she introduces me to things she likes and of course I like it to. Music, mainly.
Her group of friends that she has right now is the closest group of people I've ever observed. They are better than the groups of friends you see on TV, because they're real. This group of friends have known each other since their freshman year at college and some of them from high school and they have remained literally a family ever since. It's so refreshing to see that this group of friends is possible in real life. I long for a family like that so badly. I have yet to find people here at school that I have that kind of connection with and sense of belonging. They all live together and go everywhere together they go to concerts like its their job and have everything in common, yet they all do their own thing and have their separate lives at times. It is the most beautiful thing. And I can only hope that one day I will find people that complete me as they do to her.
I can also feel her pain with the lingering event that they will all be separated soon. Some of them have graduated, and most of them about to and they all will soon have to go their separate ways, something they don't know how to do since they've been together for 4 years. I can see the heartache of moving on and leaving that my sister holds and I feel for her.
It's scary to think that soon, she'll be done with school and really starting her life on her own. She'll be a true grown-up with a career. It's crazy to think that she'll be that old, with a whole separate life of her own, away from me and my parents. I don't know if I'm ready for that.
All I know, is that no matter what happens, I will always look up to my sister and admire her every move. She is my mentor, whether she knows it or not. She'll always see me as her little sister and I've come to terms with that. Even though, I try to do my own thing and not follow exactly in her footsteps, there is always a part of me that does what I think she would do. It's hard to escape from that, after it being all I've known my whole life. But as I try to learn who I am and find myself, I think part of that process is straying away from making decisions based on whether or not I think my sister would do the same thing. I think I'm getting better at it too. Even though I still compare my life to hers on a daily basis.
I love my sister more than anything in this world, and she is the one person in my life whom I believe can do no wrong. She is perfect to me and she is everything I strive to be. If only she knew.
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